Hey, 2 Cents; What, Too Soon?

By Bruce Felps

At the rate I’m going with these little “2 cents” items, when I don’t have enough abstract thought to flesh out a full column, I will have depleted my retirement fund by …

Oh, who am I kidding? What retirement fund?

Anyway, in a startling precedent set plenty of times, I failed to conjoin multiple yet related tangents into a themed piece this week, so here ya go, another collection of half-baked, half-witted tidbits that I hope fill a reasonable amount of cyber-column inches and maybe, just maybe, raise an eyebrow or two or the corner of a mouth or two, preferably on the same mouth.

So, without further ado …

C’mon, play nice

Forget civics class, we need civility class, and class when it comes to political and societal discourse anymore, which has deteriorated into intercourse as in phrases that end in “you.”

Really, how did we, as a society, get from, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,” — which, by the way, was not spoken by Voltaire — to “f**ktard!”? And please excuse even the slightly censored use of that expletive, but I use it to make a point.

You disagree? Fine. State your case and back it up, but don’t stoop to stupid name-calling. Seriously, it does nothing to elevate your learned opinion, which might even be correct, when you use such Neanderthal replies. You might as well just grunt and pick up a club.

A sample disagreement:

Me: Argue, argue, point, point, fact and source

You: F**ktard

Me: Oh, well, when you put it that way, I totally switch over to your side.


When I was a kid, my dad told me you just show your lack of intelligence when you use profanity, particularly in an argument.

My dad’s a smart guy. And you, dear readers, are beyond the pale.

Sending signals

Since moving over here to a house along Richmond Avenue, I have seen all manner of traffic maneuvers I just did not see in front of, at least, my last two residences. Probably because neither was conducive to through traffic what with being on dead end streets and all.

One move I see a lot over here is the U-turn because Richmond, even thought it’s a one-lane street in both directions, is really about wide enough for two lanes in both directions.

Drivers realize, “Oopsie, shoulda turned back there,” and pull a 180, usually at the intersection of Richmond and Delmar Avenue, which I can see from my front porch.

The misdirected driver, say, westbound on Richmond, swings to the right a bit at the intersection to create ample room to execute a complete turnaround without having to make it part-way, back up, and complete the redirection.

The driver immediately behind that car thinks it’s making a pure right turn, angles toward the center stripe to pass without braking stride — huh, huh? — only to slam on the brakes when the lead dog swings full circle.

I think cars should come equipped with U-turn signals to go along with the left and right versions.

Ah, nobody’d use it anyway. They don’t use the other two.

Care bears more than lip service

Politically correct or PR speak in recent years changed “customer service” to “customer care” when it comes to utilities and media organizations such as electric or cable TV.

Now, when I have a problem — not an issue, mind you — and I call for rectification, I don’t necessarily want the person on the other end of the phone connection to care about me so much as I want him or her to service the thing I care about.

And please, vary from the script a little, huh? I know you understand my concerns … right.

Psst, hey buddy, wanna buy a thought?

Speaking of full circle, the phrases “my two cents’ worth” and “penny for your thoughts” seem to indicate we overvalue our own opinions by a factor of two.

That would be about right, perhaps even a bit generous, as I draw down on nearly 700 words.

Penny for your thoughts?

Bruce Felps owns and operates East Dallas Times. Please, be kind to him. He can’t help it.


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